How does that happen? You think you’re living life. You think it’s all just going as usual. Just a normal day. Then months pass by. And one day, you find yourself in your bedroom, crawling on the floor out of pain. What is this? Where did it come from? I was all right. I was just out with friends, and it was all great. We laughed. I told them about my new favourite TV shows. I told them, neither one was on Netflix. I’ve been watching a lot of those for some time. Was I just escaping this? But how did I not see it? Is it possible not to see it? I don’t remember ever seeing something like this coming. Or maybe I have, and I stopped it. But I would remember, wouldn’t I? How did I missed it? How can I notice it, next time? Let’s just hope, there is no next time. But, if there is.. I’d like to see it. I don’t want to feel this pain. It hurts. I want to understand it. I want to let it go. How does one do that? How to let go of something you can’t even understand? I would ask for help. But I don’t know what to say. I tried talking to someone. They said, “I don’t understand”. Neither did I. So I gave up. Maybe I am just making all of this in my head. Maybe none of it is real. They also said, “If you can’t understand where it’s coming from... it might be something else.” “But what else?” – I said. I knew what they wanted to say. I stayed silent. I am not depressed. Why would I be depressed? I’ve been working on this for a long time. I am not depressed. I’d know if I am. I always know what’s going on. But what escaped me this time? I just can’t track it. Or, I am not seeing something. Maybe I don’t want to see something. God, I’d really, really like to know. But I guess I need to stay patient. I need to wait, and see. I need to stay clear. I need to breathe.
